


feel alive with a childlike soul

by TheGodWith5Yen



Series: cross my heart and hope to die, with a big old piece of american pie [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Background Relationships, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky gets a dog, Cigarettes, Family, Fluff, Gen, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, That's always a mood huh?, blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 13:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16138424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGodWith5Yen/pseuds/TheGodWith5Yen
Summary: “How’s Sunny been treating ya Bucky boy?”Bucky pet at Sunny’s black ear, smiling when Sunny turned her head, grinning, tongue hanging out her mouth. “She’s been good. Stealing all the space on my bed though, giving this old man back problems.”“Well, you’re what? A hundred? Gotta start sometime man,” Kirk laughed out, kissing Sunny’s forehead again.(Alternative Title: Bucky Adopts a Dog and Has a Few Meaningful Moments Because of Her)





	feel alive with a childlike soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you all enjoy this little story I cooked up. I was sort of bored and this doesn't really have direction, but hey! That's life! 
> 
> So Sunny is an Australian cattle dog mostly bc I have one and I love her so so much :')
> 
> I guess this mentions everything stays, but it still changes more than I thought it would so I do recommend reading it!!!
> 
> (Title comes from through the eyes of a child by aurora)

The dogs rough tongue lapped at his fingers. Bucky’s mouth twitched into a smile, scratching under the dog's chin as well as he could through the cage door. The plastic sign with the dogs blurred picture hung in the corner. It proclaimed her to be Sunny, a two year old Australian cattle dog who was energetic and had an intense love for bare feet. The picture of Sunny on the paper was her grinning widely, perfectly posed in a sitting position, her blue and black fur shining bright. Her tongue continued to lick his fingers.

"Hey,” Bucky called out to the pink haired girl who was hanging around near the door, sweetly talking to a small sandy haired fluffy chihuahua in her arms. The girl looked up, giving him a small smile. “Think I can take Sunny here home with me?”

"Oh yeah, yeah totally man!” She excitedly nodded her head. The chihuahua’s jaws snapped onto a lock of her hair, causing her to scowl, pry it from the dog as she scolded it. “Most people get turned off because of her energy. But, well, I’m thinking a guy like you may be able to keep up with her, uh, ha.” She gave him a smile, somewhat awkward, but large, happy, and meaningful nonetheless.

"Yeah, think I can handle a good girl like her.” Bucky answered with his own grin. He watched as Sunny shaked her whole butt in excitement as he took a step back from her cage. A chuckle escaped her lips.

The girl bounced on the balls of her feet. “Yay! Just follow me to the front and we’ll get some paperwork and such done. Sunny’s already updated on her shots and been fixed by her previous owners, which is something my boss usually has y'all pay for, but well! You will have to buy her tags, collar, leash, food, the standard shi- stuff, ha.” She shifted the chihuahua in her arms and gave him another nervous smile. “Anyways, let me get the papers.”

Half an hour later, Bucky had finished filling out the papers. It would be three days until Sunny would officially be in his care, giving the shelter time to process his information and for Bucky to go out and buy what he needed for a dog. It had been a spur of the moment action- Bucky passed the place everyday on his run, would nod at the pink haired girl when he passed and help her haul in large bags of dog food some days before running back out. He had helped her again today and had gotten distracted when he heard the yapping.

Maybe it was because he missed Old Lace, who was basically a big scaled dog, or he had always wanted a dog of his very own after Minnie. The barking and intense dog smell just distracted him and then he saw Sunny. Now, in three days, she would be living with him in the small bedroom in Steve and Sam’s apartment.

 

The smell of pancakes- sweetness that Bucky would have killed for when he was a kid- wafted from the apartment, Bucky could smell it from down the hall. He could hear Steve and Sam bustling about inside, Sam’s loud laugh at whatever stupid thing Steve uttered. Bucky opened the door, poked his head through the door, “Ya better not be pulling any weird shit with each other.”

Sam raised his hands in the air, one held the spatula he was using for the pancakes. “Yeah, not with you lurking around. _Unfortunately_ for me.” He went back to the pancakes, where Steve was stuffing his mouth with handfuls of chocolate chips like the little menace he’s always been. “Dammit Steve, leave them for the food!”

“No, I grew up during the depression, I deserve this.” Steve answered as he stuck his hand in the bag again, earning himself a dirty look from his boyfriend. The asshole only stuck out his tongue and lounged against the back of a chair.“You were out for a while Buck. Everything good?” His blue eyes looked him up and down. This was something new, Steve worrying about him. Maybe it was because of all the nights he’d get up and see Bucky lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling with tears he wouldn’t let himself shed in his eyes, or sitting so still in a chair that Steve would wave his hand in front of his face. The kids had gotten used to Bucky, knew his ups and downs, but Steve remembered somebody who wasn’t quite back despite how hard he tried.

Bucky shrugged as he sat at the kitchen table. “Adopted a dog. Hey, your guys landlord is alright with dogs, right? Or do I gotta claim her as my emotional support dog or something?” If he had to, Bucky thought he’d be able to successfully hide her. He was an ex-assassin- plus Gert was able to hide a large dinosaur, how hard could a dog be in comparison? He watched as his best friend shared a look with Sam, the both of them staring intensely at each other for a full minute, like Bucky wasn’t even there. He looked back and forth between them before shrugging, standing, and claiming three finished chocolate pancakes as his own.

“That’s great man.” Sam answered him as he continued to squint at Steve. “I think a dog will do you good. Plus, you’re always talking about that one those runaways had.” He turned away, resuming to make food at a quick pace, knowing that Bucky and Steve would eat as much as his large amount of batter could make. At some point, the others had assumed that Old Lace was a big dog that the kids had carted along and, well, Bucky wasn’t about to rat out his kids on having a genetically engineered dinosaur, so he just rolled with it.

A gleam of worry was still in Steve’s eyes as he nodded in agreement with his boyfriend. “Yeah, same. I want you to be happy.”

A burst of emotion spread in Bucky’s chest as he stuffed a forkful of pancake into his mouth. He smiled tightly at his brother as he swallowed his food. “She’s so fucking cute. You’ll love her.”

 

Sunny curled up in her yellow bed, absently chewing on a bright purple tennis ball. He had gone the day before with Sam and bought everything he needed for a dog, including a packet of brightly colored tennis balls and annoyingly high pitched squeaky toys. After talking with the pink haired girl- Kirk- when he literally ran into her that morning, he had bought the same dog food the shelter used, since, in her words, ‘anything new would make her shit like crazy.’ Which Bucky did not want to deal with. Yes, he’s handled blood in his days, but dog shit? No thank you, Bucky was a man with standards and boundaries.

When Bucky had picked Sunny up earlier in the morning, she had been thrilled, pulling hard on her leash and attempting to smell up skirts and lap at exposed feet as they walked home. When they got to the apartment, she had ran about, little nails tacking against the floor as she sniffed and jumped onto the couch to lick at Sam’s face. It took a hour hour for her to settle down and lay down, peaceful.

“Man, Sunny is the literal best thing ever.” Sam said from his perch on the couch, as though he hadn’t said that about Febreze the other day after Steve had left the bathroom after eating old cheese, grinning widely as he watched Sunny chew away on the ball. “You know, Steve’s been wanting a dog, a pit, actually. Maybe I should get him one for his birthday. You think Sunny here’ll be good with having a puppy around?”

Bucky blinked- it was August, Steve’s birthday wasn’t until July, a whole eight months. Was he implying that it was alright for Bucky to stay with them for that long? Sure, he had been staying for a few months already, but he had his mind set that at some point the couple wouldn’t want him around. His mouth opened, then closed. “Uh- you’re good with me sulking around here?”

Sam gave a snort. “Bucky, I’ve been dating Steve for four years and that whole time we made arrangements that once you came back, you’d be back, here. Really, we ain’t about to throw you out unless you want. Now, think Sunny will be up for a little sibling? Or, wait, a cousin?”

Sunny made a noise deep in her chest that made Sam give a loud laugh.

 

While Sunny curled up in her bed, being on Bucky’s bed was a whole other matter. The dog decided she loved to stretch out when in bed with him, her legs stuck straight out in a way that looked uncomfortable as hell. She also, somehow, made it that half of the bed was hers. When Bucky would wake up in the morning, he was squished to the wall and Sunny would be at his feet, tentatively licking at his toes. He’d chuckle and pet her with his feet.

 

Their morning runs were nice, though Bucky made sure to slow himself down for Sunny. He dug out his old battered backpack from his dresser to hold a water bottle and a bowl for Sunny, who would run too hard and dehydrate herself fast. They were running past the shelter when Sunny pulled at the leash, momentarily distracted by Kirk, who was stepping outside. Bucky slowed down so Sunny could sit, presenting herself to Kirk.

“Oh! Whoa! Hey you two!” Kirk cooed out, grinning widely as she crouched down, petting Sunny’s soft head, kissing her wet nose. “Hi, hi Sunny baby. How’s your morning going baby girl? Good? Good time running with daddy, huh?” She glanced up at Bucky, her voice dropping back to her normal rasp. Her fingers looped around Sunny’s pink collar, playing with the small bow attached. “How’s Sunny been treating ya Bucky boy?”

Bucky pet at Sunny’s black ear, smiling when Sunny turned her head, grinning, tongue hanging out her mouth. “She’s been good. Stealing all the space on my bed though, giving this old man back problems.”

“Well, you’re what? A hundred? Gotta start sometime man,” Kirk laughed out, kissing Sunny’s forehead again. “Oh, so, uh, I gotta get inside, but it was lovely seeing you two. I’ve never been able to see one of our baby’s after they’ve left, unless I did some intense Insta stalking! Well, bye bye. Get back to your run. See you later Bucky boy.” She quickly stood up and waved as they got back to their rhythm of running.

When they got back to the apartment, he let Sunny run around as she pleased- jumping into Steve’s lap, earning herself pettings- as Sam made breakfast. As they all sat to eat, he gave Sunny her bowl of food, since she tended to only stare at them if he waited to feed her. She happily munched on her food.

 

He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t do _shit_ and it was fucking horrible because he knew, Bucky knew, he could do better, but he couldn’t, not right now. He couldn’t get up or be a person or be normal. All he could do was curl up in bed, digging the palm of his right hand into his eyes as he held back tears and memories-

_“Sergeant Barnes?”_

_His hands were stained red, dark and chunky with something he knew, but what was left of his mind receded, trying to forget what he had just done-_

_He glared at the man, his words ringing in his ears, familiar. “Who the hell is Bucky?”_

He groaned, pressing his hand harder to his face. Fuck, fuck. He tried to breath, like Gert had taught him, but it was too wet and it hurt and God- Bucky wished he could be normal every single day, he wished he was still only just Bucky Barnes, not this warped man who got like this, why was he like this? Why didn’t they just kill him? He wanted, fuck he wished-

Something wet that wasn’t his tears was on his chin. He breathed out, momentarily stunned until he realized what it was- Sunny. She licked at his face, whined. Her brown eyes were sad. Bucky sobbed, running his hand through her soft fur. Time passed as he pet her, calmed down. His mind was still fuzzy and off when a knock came out the door.

He didn’t look up, but he heard as whoever opened the door set down bowels for Sunny before leaving again.

 

Sunny sat in between his feet, his hand petting at her head and down her soft back. Nerves settled in his body, but he didn’t dare show it except for his absent minded petting. Sam had finally worn him down, and he had agreed to go out to the VA meeting he recommended. It was led by an upbeat woman named Alexandria, who set Bucky at ease. He listened as people talked- about anxiety, about life, about family, about dreams. Bucky chose not to speak, but he made conversation when the meeting was done, and, to her delight, Sunny got lots of love from the people attending.

 

“How’s school going?” Bucky held the phone in his right hand as his metal arm threw the half destroyed purple tennis ball across his room for Sunny to catch. She ran towards it, then promptly leaped back onto the bed, dropping it meaningfully next to his hand.

“Pretty good, though having to redo Freshman year sucks!” Molly answered with a groan. “I like my teachers though, and there’s this really cute girl named Alma in my drama class. Like, seriously cute. She’s a sophomore, cool looking with long hair, some of it’s still kinda dyed blonde, the roots are brown, that level of cool. Oh! And gauges and a nose piercing, like! Plus, she’s seriously nice and lowkey hellava big dork. She likes Star Trek, which I am now dedicating time to watch cause the only ones I’ve seen before are the ones with Chris Pine and Alex refuses to watch it because of his allegiance to Star Wars?”

Bucky hummed. The popular Star related movies had been on Steve’s list to watch, and they’ve been watching it together. “I’ve been watching Star Trek- the original show. We’re working our way up. That Jim Kirk is one handsome fella.”

“Ugh! I know!” Molly laughed. “Hey, so, how’ve you been Buck?”

Sunny jumped onto the bed, panting. “Good. Got a dog. She’s cool. Hey- you’re coming for Christmas right? Maybe you’ll get to meet her then.” They’d been discussing the idea for a bit and Bucky was already scouring the web for gifts for his kids, but he knew that not all of them could get work off to come visit. For sure Molly, Chase, and Karolina could come. Bucky had gone over the idea of going to them, but he didn’t want to go far away for the holiday since he still wanted as much time as he could to see his sisters.

“A dog! Bucky that’s so awesome! What’s her name? What breed is she?” Molly excitedly asked. They talked for a while longer before the phone was passed around and Bucky got to talk to all the kids, hearing about how their lives had been in the months they separated.

 

A whine.

“No.”

Sunny shifted her feet where they were on the side of the bed and whined again.

“No.”

She gave a larger whine and a small bark, giving him a pleading look.

“God damnit dog. Come on! Get on!”

Sunny happily jumped onto the bed.

 

His feet were propped against Steve’s lap, smoke hovered through the air. They watched as Sam ran about the park with Sunny, playing with a frisbee. Sunny jumped high, earning herself whoops and praise from all three of them. Steve handed him back the cigarette.

“You know this is bad right? Second hand smoke?” Steve said, as though he didn’t just take a satisfied inhale a minute before.

Bucky shrugged. He had seen all the ads on how bad smoking actually was for a person (which, considering Steve was prescribed cigarettes for his asthma, made him thrum with anger for quite a few minutes) “It’s just one. Then, we’re done. Fuck I missed smoking. You know- that time Dum Dum screwed me, he brought out a pack of good cigarettes out of nowhere and that had to be one of the last times I smoked.”

“Good God, Buck. Ya always got to mention that time Dum Dum and you-” He made a face and shook his head. Reaching out for the cigarette again.

Instead of handing it over, Bucky leaned leaning, his head hitting the tree trunk as he did so. He took another breath, then handed it back. “What? It was a good screw. So good it lasted through a whole brainwashing.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Shut the fuck up, jerk.”

As if on cue to defend her masters honor, Sunny barked. Bucky grinned and shrugged his shoulders. They finished up the cigarette, then ran over to play with Sunny as well. At some point, the dog knocked Bucky over when his footing was off. Her heavy body could’ve hurt if Bucky was any other person, but he took her weight and lick attacks in stride, laughing loudly. He kissed her nose back, petting her soft fur and talking sweetly to her.

“God are you the best impulse purchase,” He laughed out, sticking his tongue out and pushing her away when she sneezed in his mouth. Sunny, happy with his happy tone of voice, shook her butt in excitement.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yay you got through it! 
> 
> So that part where Sunny is whining to get on bed? My Wendy so did that the little asshole :') she knows she's my weakness honestly I could go on about Wendy, the little dumbass... like once I caught her spitting out a rock??? This queensland, a cattle dog, a smart dog... tried to eat a rock. Also I don't remember if this was mentioned, but Sunny's tail is cut short (it's a thing that people do with these kind of dogs since they're used for cattle work and.. mine has her tail cut sooo yeah) so she just wiggles her whole lower body as well as the little stub instead (its so freaking cute when wendy does it oh my god) 
> 
> Also I'd like to point out that those memories are completely unrelated, if it unclear. The second one is something I just made up cause I can do yeah!
> 
> Anyways! Please leave a kudos, a comment, read my other stories! Thanks so much for reading I love you all <3


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